... still

the collapse of the world on the quietest day
this time it's the sun standing still
but holding on hope for something that's good
i've come now as far as i can go today
in this vast empty space

but don't give up now
don't give up now, no
don't throw your heart away


the collapse of the world on the quietest day
this time it's the sun standing still

i held hurt

like a bag over my shoulder

like a chain on my ankle

i held it

gripped it

i dont know how or why

but i felt frustration

anger

and just hurt

felt low, the lowest i think

and i dont think it was you

or what happened

i cant explain

like it was waiting to happen

and it just happened at that time

with those particular people

is there some one to blame

i dont think so

it just happened

theres apologies

theres remorse

theres hurt

theres plain numbness

...

i dont know

Patronized.















... just because he says and expresses what everyone is scared to.

un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

running so fast. on the track against a train. it doesn't sound its horn.
screaming so loud in a crowded shopping centre. no one turns a neck.
in frustration throwing knives and bombs at a building. no one dials a number.

it's loud.

it's strange.

it's unbearable.

it's ral.

it's confusing.

it's unfathomable.

it's in your head.

you could just give up.

you miss it all.

where are you?

who are you?

where are you heading?

plenty of questions.

where are the answers?

come up to meet you, tell you im sorry

you dont know how lovely you are

i had to find you, tell you i need you

tell you i set you apart

tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions

lets go back to the start

running in circle, coming up tails

heads on a silence apart

nobody said it was easy

its such a shame for us to part

nobody said it was easy

no one ever said it would be so hard

take me back to the start

i was just guessing at numbers and figures

pulling your puzzles apart

questions of science, science and progress

do not speak as loud as my heart

tell me you love me, come back and haunt me

and i rush to the start

running in circles, chasing up tails

coming back as we are

nobody said it was easy

its such a shame for us to part

nobody said it was easy

no one ever said it would be so hard

im going back to the start

would you find your way back home...?

i’ll never blame you.

i’ll never turn on you.

but i find myself questioning.

and doubting.

while knowing that you’ve scarred me.

and i can’t escape.

i don’t feel trapped.

i just know i’ll never get out.

i just know it.

i know you’ve always been there.

i know you always will be.

i know i hear you,

every now and then.

i just know that i know.

whether it’s hard or easy.

i know.

you’ve been there.

it’s me that has neglected you.

i haven’t let you down.

you miss me.

and i miss you.

i want you back the way i had you before.

and the way you had me.

it’s hard,

to say i love you.

but i know i really do

i have no reason to be here,

in this place,

and you don’t want me here.

i want to let you pull me out.

but there’s something i’m stuck to,

that i can’t name.

the bottle cap & learning to lie

shouldn’t have done it but did.

seems to be that way a bit lately.

right now its still fresh. 

not sure how to feel about it.

don’t know at all.

numb.

i obviously haven’t done the right thing

but what have i actually done?

was i not just a quiet observer? 

yet i was the vehicle used for it to happen.

the love i have for them, i can not explain.

yet my love hasn’t been any good.

in this moment...

i saw a whole new side.

i didn’t know it.

this is what she has hid behind the mask the whole time,

that is all...

...took the cap

found the lavatory

locked the door

and outlet the new way...

...there wasn’t anything right, about that night,

yet it was amusing.

why are the fun times the not so good times?

so it seems...

...i haven’t gone away feeling any better, or even any worse,

but something isn’t right.

to see them that way, 

taking the sips,

taking the drags,

i was numb. 

and didn’t know how to think. 

there was no judgement. 

there was no thinking about what the consequences could be.

there was nothing.

no thoughts at all.

it was just, i love them.

and i don’t think i like seeing them this way.

but what am i gonna do?

and what can i do?

...i think it hurts a lot.

and i am sorry.

Wake Up.

You're Alive.

We're On Your Side.

been 10 months.

This kind of Christianity. 
I don’t want a kind that always asks what you can and can’t do. 
A kind that thinks it has to fit into a culture. 
A kind that builds itself according to a denomination. 

A kind that judges because it’s scared. 
A kind that ignores the radical person of Jesus and plays safe. 
A kind that settles for less, not being the very best it can be, 
And instead turning into a corny goody goody thing. 
A kind that says ‘us and them’ and not the kind that says ‘we’ 
That is not the Christianity I want to see. 

Christianity means ‘Christ-ones’ or ‘little Christ’s’ because the original aim of Peter and the Church (people who decided to follow Jesus) was to follow through with what Jesus had done. 
To keep being radical, 
To keep turning things upside down, 
To keep exploring and creating, 
To keep learning about their heavenly Dad. 
To grow from strange acquaintance, to intimate friend. Not settling. 

Not becoming this boring irrelevant thing that people started to refer to as religion. It became that because people wanted to put God in a box, they wanted to be able to comprehend what just couldn’t be comprehended by our human minds. Choosing to believe what really wasn’t true, switching scripture around to make it suitable for understanding. These rituals in religion aren’t what you live for, it just refreshes you, it’s what you’re already doing in your relationship with God, that this ‘ritual’ can simply remind you and once again refresh you and encourage you. It’s just symbolic; it’s not what you rely on as just another religious thing. 

This Christianity I see goes exceedingly beyond that. 
This Christianity I see… 
Is free. 
It’s the relationship we were all born for. 
It’s living how you were created to live. 
Living in restoration. 
A kind that has fearless radicals. 
A kind that love the untouchables. 
A kind that constantly find ways to go above and beyond in caring for others, in pursuing what they believe – justice, mercy, unity, peace. 
A kind that doesn’t care about opinions or criticisms or stereotypes. 
A kind that never excludes but always reaches out. 
A kind that has no limits because they’re holding the hand that created the universe. 
The kind that says I really don’t care about what I can or can’t do, I just want to know my heavenly Dad even more everyday. 
And whatever that requires I will lay down my life to do it. 
All for the glory of God’s name. 

This is Christianity. Red letter Christianity is a term I heard recently. This is what it was intended to be. A bunch of Jesus followers – just doing things differently. 
Not about rules. 
Not about religion. 
Not about, who’s right and who’s wrong. 
Not about, is it real or is it fake. 
Not about ‘us and them’. 
But about ‘We’. 
Just about people and God. 
Connecting. 
Because God so loved the world… 
We were created for this one relationship. 

This one love.

it is not her fault.

the love they hold for you is beyond words.

there may be a lot they don’t understand.

and a lot they simply can’t relate to.

but they love.

and that’s the key,

above all the other things,

that remains.

things have been blown up to be bigger and worse.

and it is not all her fault.

there’s been anger and hurt.

there’s been confusion and honesty.

it has messed some things up a lot.

but.

maybe you’ll see clearly soon.

it will all be okay.

there is still love.

you wake up to this new day.

with this scar staring at you.

maybe once and for all.

it throbs.

this reminder of how you messed up.

maybe this wound was never completely healed.

so there’s this scar.

this thing there to say.

this is how you dealt with it.

this is how you stuffed up.

this is how you’re hurting.

it was plainly stupid.

obtuse.

where's the worth

selling out

what happened to how i was then

how i felt then

how i viewed it all then

what changed

i wanted to do all these things

and be a certain way

and give everything i had

every single bit of me

till i had nothing

i wanted to give give give

but now

where have you lead them

where are you leading them

hows your progress been

how do you think its gonna be

wheres your vision

hows it looking in a year

how close are they

do you know them

through and through

do you think they really need you

what have you done for them

what will you do

hows it all going

where is the worth

alone Libretto

Come and see me 

Sing me to sleep 

Come and free me 

Or hold me if i need to weep 

Or maybe it's not the season 

Or maybe it's not the year 

Or maybe there's no good reason 

Why i'm locked up inside 

Just cause they wanna hide me 

The moon goes bright 

The darker they make my night 

Unplayed pianos 

Are often by a window 

In a room where nobody loved goes 

She sits alone with her silent song 

Somebody bring her home 

Unplayed piano

Still holds a tune

Lock on the lid (years, years pass by)

In a stale, stale room (in the changing of the moon)

Maybe it's not that easy (too many windows)

Or maybe it's not that hard (in a stale, stale room)

Maybe they could release me (stale, stale room)

Let the people decide 

I've got nothing to hide 

I've done nothing wrong 

So why've i been here so long? 

Unplayed pianos 

Are often by a window 

In a room where nobody loved goes 

She sits alone with her silent song 

Somebody bring her home 

Unplayed piano

Still holds a tune 

Years pass by 

In the changing of the moon

weakness to do it.

strength to stand it.

oh, the places you’ll go.

i’ve cut it.

i’ve held the rope around it.

i’ve hit it.

i’ve yelled at it.

i’ve tried to express it.

i’ve rebuked it.

i’ve accepted it.

i’ve questioned it.

i’ve been angry by it.

i’ve been fine with it.

i’ve thought about it.

i’ve wanted it.

i’ve not wanted it.

i’ve dismissed it.

i’ve overcome it.

i’ve been beaten by it.

i’ve seen it in others.

i’ve grown because of it.

i’ve fallen cos of it.

i’ve let it in.

i’ve let it out.

but.

it. 

simply.

isn’t for me.

it.

has.

to.

go.

have hope. it ends.

they’re always there.

in the light and in the dark.

they shine brightest in the darkness.

when its light, they’re just there.

you can’t see what they’re doing.

you’re not so astonished by them.

you only know that they’re there.

that doesn’t seem to be enough.

but in the dark you can see their wonder.

and we are more aware of their greatness.

you’re intrigued.

you’re amazed.

you see the potential.

the life.

it’s the darkness that gives rise to the brightness.

18 lines

01 i don’t think he has given up.

02 i think he loves you.

03 i think you need to accept.

04 i think you should give in.

05 i think he is begging.

06 for you to step forward.

07 and not to step back.

08 i think you need trust.

09 i think he never gave up.

10 i think grace is real.

11 i think it’s being given.

12 more than it’s being taken.

13 i think you’re worth it.

14 i think he knew that.

15 but you need to take it.

16 cos this love is real.

17 and that’s why.

18 i dont think he has given up.