.

How the heck is this hurting me?
I’ve run out of stamps.
So I don’t know when ill be writing next
I wouldn’t know what to write anyway
Or if I want to.
I actually don’t really know how I feel
When I think of your return I get this sinking feeling in my gut
Every time
I cant help it
Im not forgetting you
Ill see you when you get back for sure
But Im not sure how things will be
And im not entirely looking forward to it
Maybe it will be fine
Maybe it wont be
A lot of the time ive just wanted to be under a rock or in a coma forever

perks of being a wallflower explains my thoughts word for word:
I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.

I care about you all. I love you all. So much. I think the world of you and think you are all just brilliant. I really do. You’re worth so much. You deserve better than you get. And I would miss you a lot if I left.