.

it was never an excuse for the things i said. it couldn't be. cos it was wrong. i never thought about what i said. just cos i was hurting i shouldnt have just let the words roll off my tongue and hit you the way they did. cos i know they hit hard. and the scare wont be easy to get over.

i am really sorry. i was there, i stayed up, just waiting, with you, but you never spoke, i didnt mind at all. i was there. i know you never opened up. but that wasnt cos i was going to reject you or anything. you simply werent ready and that was okay. and. i am still here. to listen. to just be here. you may not want me to be now. but i am...

and i never blamed anything on you. its just so hard to explain and cos so much has been said in writing and not spoken, its gone allover the place. i dont want to fight. i just want things resolved.
cos this. now. things are just up in the air or whatevers going on now. is just. i dont know. but i dont like it.
this still would have happened if she were here. maybe it wouldve been alot different. but it still wouldve happened. mm.

i dont know why i keep trying to talk. im trying to see from other perspectives and understand things.
but after it all i feel like this is going nowhere.

i want it all back.