.

Rah, thanking you for speaking your mind. why do i go to church? after everything? why? i could've chucked it all in by now, with many good reasons.. but people say i persevere. thats what i do, apparently.hmm. i sat at the table, had lunch with you all, you all have your clicks, and in jokes and stories,
i sat there, being quiet, smiled, ate my meal. and left.
thanks liz for shouting me lunch. but this group, i don't fit.
i dont seem to fit. but i really dont care anymore.

i go to church and hang with my girls.
i dont see anyone else really at the moment.
no other leaders, im there for my 'kids'. we hang out on these holidays
even though the other leaders seem to have disappeared. mm.

i had amazing leaders when i started at boom.
one in particular, did so much for me, in so many ways.
but they left. it changed. leaders became different.
boom changed. church changed. everything did.
i was suddenly under pressure...
its not so simple now. so it seems.

i wont leave this church. but i also wont change.
im here, to serve teenagers.
teenagers need a leader that wont abandon them,
that wont judge them even if they decide to leave church.
a leader that loves them even if that love is not returned.
a leader that puts their life on the line.
a leader that does everything they can to answer a question.
a leader that puts others first, constantly.
a leader that would drive anywhere or do anything, if they needed help.
a leader that knows what they believe and why.
a leader that doesnt just go along with a church cos its cool or different.

i want to be that leader. or at least try. cos i owe that much..

i know what its like to be a boom kid,
and have a leader that doesnt take you seriously for cutting
a leader that assumes you'll be fine
a leader that pushs you to be a good role model for the rest of the 'kids'
a leader that tells you to just read your bible when your down..

hmm. teens need better answers.
you can tell them to read their bible sure, but i reckon a hug or shoulder to cry on would speak to them much better than any scripture..
there are real issues, that shouldnt be taken lightly
there are teenagers that are sick of fighting alone,
sick of being misunderstood.
sick of it all.

im sick of people getting caught up in a church with good music, lights, media, guest speakers and all that.
im actually over all that..
i feel like a misfit in this leadership.
yet. i will still be here.
cos underneath the services and groups,
there is something in me that wont give up on this.

cos i reckon its worth it.
although, i know i have alot to learn.

ive read alot about all the different churches out there
there are people just trying to figure it out,
doing church alot simpler, alot more 'human' perhaps

we need to meet people where they are at
not throw a bunch of scriptures at them and tell them do this,
believe that, or else youre heading for hell

i just think, people are worth it.
and i think, this stuff is worth believing.
even though im still figuring it all out,
im pretty sure i can wear bleached pants in the process...