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What am i actually going to do? Art is apart of me. I know that, it really is. Ive never thought ive been good at painting or drawing but i love it and i get ideas so i persue it. Ive usually thought my photography is a bit better than my drawing and that would come first, before applying for my visual art course i looked into photography schools for a year and was almost set on one but it cost too much.. I love art. It is apart of me, it is what i like, its what intrigues me, gets me, its accepting cos with art youre only expected to be yourself, thats comforting. Creativity, the different, not the average. I like the documentaries on art movements. i like how people think outside the box, but more than that i like that people question the box in the first place. I know the art world, i was in it briefly and it got over my head. i think i doubted myself alot cos its a competitive world and hard to make a living in, i know this but its a grown up reason. I cant escape art. Creating. Making stories, pictures, insights, history, characters, emotions, moods, so much. people are creative so why stick to dressing average and even talking average. twist every little thing around that you do, to be just that bit unique even though you really dont need to try hard.. Where could this lead me? i dont know if its my passion. i dont know what my passion is at the moment cos im barely alive. but this christmas all i did was sit on a bed in a v neck tshirt and over sized overalls, eating lollies, reading books, listening to music, watching movies and napping. besides the napping i realised art will always be for me. no matter how much i doubt it. This time last year i had numbers of catalogues with slr cameras circled, i was hunting them down, finding a good one, i eventually did but i ran out of money and then i just let it go and gave up, but i still want a great camera.. I still want to see things through my own eyes. see things differently. notice the world.. In the words of coldplay "we live in a beautiful world" i think we actually do. And i want to prove it with my life, just somehow.