.

if i was han on friday afternoon.

i couldn't imagine how i would've been for the rest of the day.

when you called me clare. i hadn't thought about chrisface at all or anything.

i was setting up a tent, looking forward to a fun weekend.

but when i heard about this little meeting,

i didn't think much at first,

but it hit me later at boom, of all places. it hit me on the bus home when han txted me about it.

then it hit me most at night, when i woke up in the middle of the night

and couldn't get back to sleep. and tears slid down the side of my face.

and i looked over and ellen was asleep holding my teddy f.o.e

i guess it hit me a little more. as i gave it attention.

as i thought about it and wondered what it was like. and why it was like that.

so. now.

i don't know. i'm scared to ever run into her now. cos i would've reacted how han did,

run up real happy and give her a big hug.

but if she just said "oh.. hi"

i would just. break.

so. she doesn't want anything to do with us then?

why?

can she not answer that for us?