.

maybe everything doesn't matter that much.

i'm sure there's someone worse off.

i don't have to tell people what's going on. or what's happened.

no one at church knows. and no one, generally, really knows anything.

chrissy, are you actually gone...?

maybe i shouldn't care so much about what goes on in my life.

at the end of the day things can feel alright.

and i have that, so i shouldn't fret so much. right?

i mean. i do have people around me. i just have to acknowledge them.

i have all the girls in my urbs. who i adore.

ellen. clarey. ash..

and yes. steph. mim. rah. who i wouldn't mind more in my life. but i don't know.. oh and alice?

other than that. tosari. eleanor. chrissy. people who used to be the closest people in my life. aren't around anymore. and

i guess that's ok.

it's quality. not quantity. right?

i like the fact i have a twin too.

it's actually really good. when we wanna buy blank cds we split the cost.

when i need to drive somewhere she'll come along and make it worthwhile.

when im bored and decide to have lunch. i make the meals and han picks the movie.

when jemimah is upstairs yelling at mum. we're hiding behind the downstairs door listening.

im realising that im fortunate to have that other half.

yeah... so i suppose everything isn't so okay right now.

but for some reason i do actually feel okay. even though i have reason not to.

things don't make sense. things are messed up. but that's how it goes.

"...that's how we laugh the day away in the merry ole land of oz"