all can be well.

didn't think you would trust me.
thought you would see what i see.
these days have been good for me too,
but i can't stay.
you know why.

didn't want this to end like this.
thought i might could convert.
these nights have been sad for me too,
but i don't pray.
you know why.

you are a believer, i am not.

didn't think i could ever love,
so i had to destroy it all.
but you will do find someone new,
when i am gone.
you know why.

you are a believer,
i am not.

spring is nice. it's a nice time.
and summer is even better.
from here on. things could be okay.
if i let them be.
but i won't will i?
despite being so fortunate.
and despite it being close to the best time of year.
things... are like this.
i'm like this.

where shall i go?

i feel like i'm only writing to you when i write here.
which is slightly awkward.
and strange.

where did my positivity go?

and why am i thinking like someone i'm not?

why did i let myself become everything i always hated?

why am i frightened?

when did i start lacking the ability to care?

i let everything happen.

claire morgan.

16 days.

and you'll be back here.
and you'll probably be happy,
and fine,
and like nothing was ever wrong.

and it'll all be just dandy.

you may even be oblivious to what we now feel.
what we're now stuck with.
you could've stopped it.

but being selfish has been your main priority this whole time.
i don't need to call you selfish, you do that yourself.

i'm not mad at you. and i won't be.
because it's not like this is foriegn to me now.
this always happens to me.

i let people in and it screws things up.
because there's something wrong with me.
i don't know what. but there is.

none of this matters. i think im growing up really slow. or late.
i'm like a kid trapped in this growing up body.
and it's ridiculous.

a joke.
just to be laughed at.

i suppose everything is okay. i guess.

yet so much can fall apart in an instant.

we make the instances.

"it may seem strange how we used to wait for letters.
but what's stranger still is how something so small can keep you alive."