.

growing up actually terrifies me.

i can't let go of my youth.

i dont want to believe the stories, that grown ups are boring, dull, that they let go of everything they were, to get a job and do things so they can 'get by', that they start to dress nicer, start to do things less and its like life can be sucked out of them.

i dont think its the young that should only be the little cool kids...

i cant see myself dressing more 'normal' or whatnot when im 30.

i cant see myself playing at parks less, or watching movies and colouring in, less.

i cant see that.

maybe ill come to a point eventually where ill change over time.

but at the moment. im scared.

at the moment. im terrified of the future.

at the moment. i can only take things few days at a time.

at the moment. i need to clean my room. that, i can get my head around.

but anything else, is a monster under the bed.

anything else, is dropping my icecream on the ground.

anything else, is not having enough money to buy han that toy from an op shop.

anything else, anything thats serious, and scary. its not what i want. its not how i see life being.