.

yeah sorry bug
sometimes people miss people
and we were just going for a drive
and we were right near her house
so i said it a couple times
how does that hit you?
and why?
you think i have levels of caring where i care about someone more than someone
else
i cant imagine myself doing that
and i told you that
cos
sounds a tad ridiculous to me
can i not say anything right around you?
you know how not simple this is
you know that i have to hide when i cry around you
clare.. i think i dampened your pillow btw.. good.
i told you not to touch my arm yet the next day you placed your hand right there.
but the marks had healed. too late. ha. golly
ahhhhh
my head hurts from walking into that bridge
and my foot hurts from stepping on stones in the river
interesting night
making a fire under a bridge and throwing caps into it and watching them pop
throwing sparklers in the river
walking around with a flashlight barefoot
not sleeping in my own bed for days
not being home for ages
what was i doing with myself these past few days
it cant be like that
for some reason
unknown to me
..
but its like something. or someone is always telling me im doing something wrong
when im doing something. at all.
like the 'something' will always be wrong
i spent half a weekend with my urbs girls like a good little leader
yet hanging with others for a couple days too. its like
its wrong
why?
why
why
why
why
why.


and yes ive written all this in an outlet before i reply to your txt that took minutes and minutes to upload into my telephone..